Rich Benson Archives Vol. 4
Whoops! I forgot to post the latest update from the Rich Benson Archives yesterday! Oh well, here you go...
Dear Trevor,
There is no reason to worry about my large rectal tumor. It is healthy and growing at a good clip and always leaves me with that "full" feeling, like I'm ready to "push one", but of course, I can't because it's just a big tumor and not a stool.
I did not fall off of the edge of the planet though I did walk up to it and look over the ledge. It's a long way down, so I spit. In 408,000 light years my glop of saliva will collide with some planet. The accumulated force on the spit from the time and speed of the drop will most likely kill millions of inhabitants there. Maybe through some strange curvature of warped time that already happened and was the cause for the dinosaur extinction. What do you think?
Zanzibar - you can't get there from here, so it doesn't matter where it is. Quit worrying about it.
How fast does a cheetah run? A cheater runs very fast if he's been caught and doesn't want to be punished.
Dolomite is very dangerous. It has a fuse and when lit it is used to demolish old bridges and buildings. It is also used in mining. It's a major in dog food, too.
Arron Burr was the world's most notorious miss-speller. His name, correctly spelled, is Errol Bird. I think he had something to do with an assassin.
Neither of the trains leaving Chicago, the 64mph train and the 80mph train will arrive in Kentucky first. Here's why: the 64mph train is heading for California and is being transported there via tractor trailer trucks on US highways which will not pass through Kentucky. The 80mph train, however, IS a direct express train to Kentucky and will not make it because the first bridge it must cross, in Illinois, was inadvertently blown up with several sticks of Dolomite. All of the passengers on the train will die, except for the survivors. The survivors will be accidently buried in a mass grave causing the first part of the last sentence to become true.
The sky is blue because during the 1930's, at the height of the depression, Roosevelt put the nation, which was unemployed at the time, to work and painted that color. The sky's natural color is shit brown and studded with occaisional corn-colored stars and planets.
Last month I traded securities like a mad-man. I went very easy (trading stocks) for the first two years to make sure I knew what I was doing. I made $19,700 in the first 18 trading days of January. Then, on the second trading day of this month, I lost about 9 grand in a dopey trade. I shorted CREE, which ran up $50 in two days. I had 400 shares of it short and got pinched for $20. Then I did something else dumb and lost another 2 grand.
If I'd have just went long and not traded anything in my three favorite stocks, RFMD, CREE, and SNDK for the month of January, I'd have made nearly $50,000.
I'm going to gamble some and try to make a lot of money this year. However, right now I'm not trading anything actively and could meet you for lunch tomorrow if you want too. I've got a hankering for a chicken bowl!
Rich
"Burgan, Trevor" wrote:
> Did you fall off the edge of the planet?
> What have you been doing?
> Where is Zanzibar?
> How fast does a cheetah run?
> What is dolomite?
> Who is Arron Burr?
> If two trains leave Chicago three hours apart and the first train is
> traveling at 64mph and the second train is traveling at 80kph which one will
> arrive in Kentucky first?
> Why is the sky blue?
> When should I start worrying about that rectal tumor?
>
> Huh?
> Huh?
> Huh?
Dear Trevor,
There is no reason to worry about my large rectal tumor. It is healthy and growing at a good clip and always leaves me with that "full" feeling, like I'm ready to "push one", but of course, I can't because it's just a big tumor and not a stool.
I did not fall off of the edge of the planet though I did walk up to it and look over the ledge. It's a long way down, so I spit. In 408,000 light years my glop of saliva will collide with some planet. The accumulated force on the spit from the time and speed of the drop will most likely kill millions of inhabitants there. Maybe through some strange curvature of warped time that already happened and was the cause for the dinosaur extinction. What do you think?
Zanzibar - you can't get there from here, so it doesn't matter where it is. Quit worrying about it.
How fast does a cheetah run? A cheater runs very fast if he's been caught and doesn't want to be punished.
Dolomite is very dangerous. It has a fuse and when lit it is used to demolish old bridges and buildings. It is also used in mining. It's a major in dog food, too.
Arron Burr was the world's most notorious miss-speller. His name, correctly spelled, is Errol Bird. I think he had something to do with an assassin.
Neither of the trains leaving Chicago, the 64mph train and the 80mph train will arrive in Kentucky first. Here's why: the 64mph train is heading for California and is being transported there via tractor trailer trucks on US highways which will not pass through Kentucky. The 80mph train, however, IS a direct express train to Kentucky and will not make it because the first bridge it must cross, in Illinois, was inadvertently blown up with several sticks of Dolomite. All of the passengers on the train will die, except for the survivors. The survivors will be accidently buried in a mass grave causing the first part of the last sentence to become true.
The sky is blue because during the 1930's, at the height of the depression, Roosevelt put the nation, which was unemployed at the time, to work and painted that color. The sky's natural color is shit brown and studded with occaisional corn-colored stars and planets.
Last month I traded securities like a mad-man. I went very easy (trading stocks) for the first two years to make sure I knew what I was doing. I made $19,700 in the first 18 trading days of January. Then, on the second trading day of this month, I lost about 9 grand in a dopey trade. I shorted CREE, which ran up $50 in two days. I had 400 shares of it short and got pinched for $20. Then I did something else dumb and lost another 2 grand.
If I'd have just went long and not traded anything in my three favorite stocks, RFMD, CREE, and SNDK for the month of January, I'd have made nearly $50,000.
I'm going to gamble some and try to make a lot of money this year. However, right now I'm not trading anything actively and could meet you for lunch tomorrow if you want too. I've got a hankering for a chicken bowl!
Rich
"Burgan, Trevor" wrote:
> Did you fall off the edge of the planet?
> What have you been doing?
> Where is Zanzibar?
> How fast does a cheetah run?
> What is dolomite?
> Who is Arron Burr?
> If two trains leave Chicago three hours apart and the first train is
> traveling at 64mph and the second train is traveling at 80kph which one will
> arrive in Kentucky first?
> Why is the sky blue?
> When should I start worrying about that rectal tumor?
>
> Huh?
> Huh?
> Huh?
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